Like most of the country, I have sat by horrified and deeply saddened by the incident that took place at Ft. Hood last week. I have been further saddened by how Major Hasan has been portrayed as some fundamentalist Muslim on a religious mission of some sorts and the ensuing death threats against Muslims in the Ft. Hood area. Whatever the reasons motivating Maj. Hasan, of which I am sure there were many, none of them justify further killing or threats of any kind. Hate begets hate. If we all, or even a few of us, respond to this incident by targeting Muslims because one of them made a horrendous decision not in line with their faith, the chasm will grow and more horrible incidents will ensue. As Ghandi said, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
So, I am writing to propose a way to refocus those energies and to respond to the situation with love. Show our troops some love and get yourself educated on S.1963 - the Caregivers and Veterans Omnibus Health Services Act of 2009. The goal of the bill is to increase mental health services to veterans. Our veterans are suffering tremendously and the VA, and the rest of the country for that matter, are woefully ill-equipped to manage the severity of the problem. We are sending these people out on multiple deployments in a war zone unlike any other before. Whatever your political take on the wars, I think we can all agree that we need to take care of our veterans. I support this bill, but encourage everyone to do their own homework on it.
If you discover you support it, please call Senator Coburn's office and ask him to remove the hold from the bill. He alone is preventing the bill from leaving committee and reaching the Senate floor for a vote. The Committee on Veterans' Affairs has a statement about it here. Senator Coburn has his rebuttal here. If you believe the bill should be supported, please call your senators and ask them to support it. If you don't know how to contact your senators, go here.
I have hesitated for some time to post this because too often well-intentioned posts about how to offer support to our troops get thread-jacked by those wanting to debate the validity of the wars. I am the daughter of a veteran who served in two wars and I am proud of my dad's service. I am also a flaming liberal who vehemently opposes the wars. If I can separate the soldier from the action, then you can, too, and I respectfully ask you to do so here. If you want to say anything hateful, discriminatory, or negative, please make your own post. I don't post publicly very often because it's easier to deal with my small community. But, our troops are part of the larger community and we ALL need to come together to support them. It isn't enough to put a ribbon on the back of your car and wear an American flag pin. The heart of our country is action and I am asking you to take some positive action today to help support our troops and turn the events at Ft. Hood into a forceful, positive response from the country in support of our combat veterans. Many thanks.
Despite my better judgment, I have allowed myself to become sucked into Facebook. Well, as sucked into anything as I can get with a full-time job, a baby, and all of the myriad things going on in the world. One thing that recently made me grateful about my FB forays is a meme regarding 15 books that will stay with you forever. This doesn't mean your 15 favorite, though I suppose your 15 favorites would probably dominate the list. I ended up listing 17 because I am incapable of self-control these days, and even with 17, there are so many more that I didn't get to put on the list.
One of those is The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I started reading it to the little one last night because I couldn't stand watching him throw his food everywhere and not consume any of it (my mental commentary: wow, what a waste of that great zucchini, if you don't eat anything, you won't sleep through the night, which means I won't sleep through the night, I really think you need more food than that to survive, will that pear sauce easily come off the wall?). Instead of voicing these concerns or even giving him the slightest hint that I might be uncomfortable with his culinary exploration, I decided to occupy myself with the antics of Huck Finn.
I have read this book several times throughout my life. I am not blessed with a great memory, so I can't just start to recite the lines. (As a tangential aside, I tend to think this level of competitiveness - well how many lines of classic literature can you recite on cue, is a bit ridiculous.) But, starting to read the first few lines brought me back to traveling cross-country with my family as we moved from one duty station to another. I could smell the dirt baking in the Oklahoma summer sun as we passed through, see the light refracting once it hit the ocean as I leaned against a palm tree in my backyard in Hawaii, and feel the unnecessarily cold, forced air in a Virginia classroom as we picked apart one of my favorite novels.
At first blush, for those who have had the luxury of growing up in one place, this might seem like nothing more than a wave of nostalgia. And maybe that is all that it is. But, I tend to feel like pieces of me are scattered all across the country. I can't easily go "home" and point out a street corner where I picked up the bus in second grade and had a fight with a friend in high school. Those two periods of my life (well, three, if you count the fact I went to 2 different high schools on opposite coasts) happened in entirely different parts of the country, parts that are different from the one in which I now live and the one where my parents now live. So, when I go "home" to visit my parents, I see nothing from my childhood because they live somewhere I have never lived before (though they do live close enough to places where I have lived that I can visit and jog my memory).
Luckily for me, memory is not tied solely to place. It is also tied up in the deliberate drawl of Mark Twain's characters. And as I recount the adventures for my son, I not only get to experience them anew with him, I get to temporarily visit a part of my life that often goes undisturbed and covered in dust. I was so grateful for the trip down memory lane last night I actually blissfully cleaned up the wreckage of last night's food throwdown. We shall see how it goes tonight.
Last night, wracked with nasty sciatica (it is getting better), I retreated to the bed and - against my better judgment - watched BBC America's "Super Skinny Me." For those who have not heard of it, it's a documentary about two reporters who attempt to lose enough weight in a 6 week period to go from a UK size 12 pant to a UK size 00 (I had no idea such a size existed). These are successful, professional, HEALTHY women agreed to undergo this experiment before the cameras and show the world what such extreme weight loss can do to one's body and psyche. They did the experiment under doctors' supervision, but their methods of determining how to drop so much weight so quickly were strictly their own.
The woman who had the most "success" managed to drop her weight by indulging in some celebrity's favorite weight loss diet of 3 protein shakes a day (totaling 800 calories) and working out for TWO HOURS a day (burning at least 1000 calories). This was after she failed at trying to swim in a freezing pool to boost her metabolism, failed at the watercress soup diet favored by Elizabeth Hurley, and made only "minimal" progress when working out a normal amount and cutting out all carbs, sugars, alcohol, and, well, fun. She "succeeded" in getting herself into a size 00 pair of jeans at the end of 6 weeks.
Incidentally, apparently a size 0 jean is the same size jean as an 8-year-old girl would wear and a size 00 is the same size a 6 year-old would wear. She shrunk her body to the size of a 6-year-old girl. And, she nearly lost her mind doing it.
The other woman was forced by the medical team to end the experiment at 5 weeks after she admitted to 2 rounds of vomiting after eating. This same woman had four colonics in one week (double the recommended limit) at a detox spa, admitted to "playing around a little bit with laxatives," and seriously questioned a personal trainer about the possibility of getting down to zero percent body fat (he informed her she would be dead). She had the most "success" in the first two weeks of the experiment when she dropped 14 pounds (or one stone to the British out there). FOURTEEN POUNDS IN TWO WEEKS! That is sheer insanity. And the doctor told her as much saying that he didn't recommend that she lose any more. She then started binging, because her body couldn't handle the starvation any longer, followed by the few attempts at purging, and finally confessed to having serious weight issues as a child. Not surprisingly, this is when she was yanked from the experiment.
What shocked me most was that these women were completely, 100% healthy to begin with. Both had normal Body Mass Indexes (BMI). Both were happy. Both looked great. By the end, journalist number 2 was frightening (she actually hit frightening in week 1 or 2, to be honest) and journalist number 1 wasn't too far behind. Their bones were protruding, their eyes were sunken and ringed by some seriously dark circles, and number 2 couldn't stop twitching or picking at her fingernails. Number 1 got a hideous rash. It was horrifying to see what was happening. But then, it just got worse when I thought about the fact that we EXPECT women to do this to themselves to fit some image that actually isn't even attractive.
A little while back, my lovely neighbor CupCate wrote this post about how a medical professional in the UK, WHO HADN'T EVEN EXAMINED HER, proceeded to say that her weight was "over the top" and that she must "do anything" to lose the weight. While I've only met Cate once in person, I can tell you that this woman seems to be perfectly healthy and I'd wager that her BMI is well within normal range. In fact, she is the SAME SIZE as the two women who embarked on this experiment. Luckily, Cate has a good head on her shoulders and didn't take it too much to heart, but imagine what someone less secure hears when something like that is said to them.
I think of all of these young girls out there thinking that cigarettes and Diet Coke are a good way to maintain one's weight at a prepubescent level. Why, WHY do we want WOMEN to fit into the same jeans as an eight-year-old or six-year-old girl? Isn't there something inherently sick and wrong with that? What is sexy about starvation?
I've watched so many of my neighbors and friends struggle with weight loss and the resulting self-esteem issues that accompany it. I, myself, have fallen victim to the concerns of the scale because I am worried I am gaining too much weight while pregnant. I am carrying another human being and I'm worried about 8 extra pounds above and beyond what I am supposed to have gained. Perhaps my body just needs more right now. I've also seen - and possibly written - a number of posts about how we don't appreciate women for who and what they are and don't love the curves that are meant to be there. And yet, despite all this ranting and raving, I still see magazine covers talking about how this celebrity or that one got their pre-baby body back so quickly and I see women buying these things by the armful. I still see posts about how someone is worried they are too fat. My friend has sworn off any form of sugar or fat so she can fit into her wedding dress.
What I don't see is too many people talking about being healthy. Yes, if you are in fact fat, you should probably lose some weight. Not because it makes you look better but because it makes you feel better - less joint pain, fewer heart problems, more energy, etc. And you should do it in a way that is healthy. No protein shake diets for 8 weeks to be followed by a period of resumed weight gain because you've slowed your metabolism and inevitably have to actually eat some food to sustain brain function.
I have a lot of admiration for my neighbor Cat, who is trying to change her lifestyle in a healthy way. It means losing weight, but it also means eating healthier, working out, and generally taking care of her body.
What frustrated me most about last night's documentary is that it just showed the "problem" by presenting this experiment. There was no real discussion of how to be healthy about losing weight and when losing weight becomes a bad idea pushed by societal pressures as opposed to any legitimate health concern. I realize it was only an hour (less, considering commercial time, which, incidentally, was predominately populated by ads for weight loss supplements and ab exercisers) and all of this was probably outside the scope of the vision for the project. But I feel strongly that until the nature of the discourse changes from appearance to health, we'll keep seeing the same things repeat themselves. We need to recognize that a woman who is wearing the same jeans as an 8-year-old girl is not healthy and should not be lauded for how she looks. Healthy is what's sexy and there is a broad range of what is healthy and sometimes that means double-digit sized jeans.
When I was a kid (this was conveniently during the time I lived in Hawaii), I became obsessed with starfish. What stunned me most was their ability to, rather quickly, shed and regenerate a limb. I wondered if it hurt to do this, or if it was some sort of everyday occurrence. I noticed the same thing about geckos and their tails and sea cucumbers that would vomit out their own internal organs. All of these biological feats are meant to be life-saving, so I imagine shedding a limb or spilling out one's guts isn't taken too lightly in the animal kingdom, but I cannot tell you how many quivering gecko tails wound up in my hands sans rightful owner.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago. I lost someone who I deeply admired and respected. A month ago, I went to her memorial service and sat through nearly three hours of people saying why loved this woman and how much they would miss her. During the entire service, I watched two of her best friends, with whom I was much closer, hold each other and try to make it through the entire thing without completely melting away (3 hours equates to buckets and buckets of tears for anyone not familiar with such services).
It occurred to me that a couple of years ago, they used to be a gang of 4. For reasons that are unimportant here, one of them was marginalized due to work events that, unfortunately, I was privy to and slightly involved in (no malfeasance on my part). Now, these two women were mourning the very real and physical loss of a second, with just the two of them to anchor themselves. It seemed to me that it must be the equivalent of losing a limb. How do you stay afloat when you are missing a limb you have relied on all this time and always expected to be there?
I watched all of my departed friends and family members cling to each other for support and strength, never realizing that we have our own form of regeneration. Since then, I have watched her family go about their daily business (5 days a week I pass her house and see her husband buckling the kids in the car), her friends out and about with other friends, and her workplace move on in her absence. Most days, I even see smiles on the faces of those she left behind.
I know from my own experience that the grief one experiences after loss waxes and wanes. It becomes less biting over time, though on most days you can still feel it there if you look for it (or even if you don't). But recently, I have been struck by the idea that if you do things right in this world (by this I mean not alienating everyone around you), when you lose someone, especially someone who is like a limb, it seems that the universe has a way of helping you regenerate that support, love and community. You, of course, have to be open to it and have to accept it. And it obviously doesn't happen overnight. But the limb will return to you.
"I am burning. If anyone lacks tinder, let him set his rubbish ablaze with my fire." Rumi
"It is unethical not to know. It is unethical not to think. It is unethical not to love. It is unethical not to live an impassioned life. It is unethical not to attain greatness. It is unethical to succumb to the fear of envy and the conspiracy of mediocrity. It is unethical not to self-bestow genius. It is unethical not to be the first monkey." Yasuhiko Genku Kimora
- along the lines of the latter, please visit Geology Byotch. You'll see why when you get there.
"I appeal from your customs. I must be myself. I cannot break myself any
longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be
the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you
should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that
what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon
whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I
will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by
hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth
with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have decided to simplify my life. (Perhaps this is nesting come a bit early.) My neighborhood grew too large for me to keep up with everyone and I have done some trimming. Some people's blogs I never read, some hadn't updated for months (some had been so long I forgot why I added them in the first place), and some I found I just didn't have a common bond with. I am putting this post up because I do not want to email every person I trimmed or will trim in the future and explain my decision (I know some expect correspondence when cut and I just don't think I can or want to do that).
I can assure you that you are likely a very lovely person, but I am evaluating the amount of time I spend on this site and the reasons why. I have never been of the "have the largest neighborhood" mentality and I want the connections I make here to be meaningful. If my community is too large, I simply cannot keep up with you and I believe that having you in my neighborhood means something more than you being a mere face on the screen.
Show us what you want, but can't have.
Are you sure you're ready for this, Vox? Here it is:
Yes, that's right, I want gay marriage to be legalized. I just read the most horrifying story over on Dancing Bear's site about a lesbian woman who was denied access - along with her children - to the the woman she had been partnered with for 18 years who was dying in the hospital. (You really must read the story because it is more horrifying and awful than I can give words to.) These two had been married for EIGHTEEN YEARS. (For the record, I consider a domestic partnership where two people have all of the trappings of marriage to in fact be a marriage.)
I have been married to my husband for almost ten years. If I had known then how big a battle gay marriage would become, I likely would have opted not to get married. I believe it is profoundly cruel to deny two people the opportunity to have the same level of respect and protection that a heterosexual couple has solely because these two people happen to be of the same gender. It is utterly arbitrary to say, "Yes, you two, you are okay to make medical choices for each other, but you two, I don't think so." Honestly, what difference does it make in your day-to-day life?
I know this is a big battleground for some Christian conservatives. (Now, before my neighbors attack me for criticizing Christians, please note I said some. And please also note that I am choosing not to address any other religions that also oppose gay marriage at this point - though I know they are out there - because they don't tend to be the one most influential on Washington.) The Christianity I grew up with taught me a few key things: don't judge others, don't hate, love every person and treat them as you would want to be treated.
Marriage is a great, beautiful, difficult and challenging path. By most accounts, I have a successful one (we are still together after almost 10 years and we still madly love each other). But I am no means any expert on it. I do not believe that I am somehow more fit for it because I am straight. Nor do I believe I am any more loving a spouse, any more loyal, any more prepared to make life and death decisions. I am not. I am just as equipped as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, else out there.
I have never heard a single argument against gay marriage that makes sense (and for that matter didn't sound like it was being spat out by someone stricken with rabies). If you are against it, I ask you to look inside yourself and ask what difference it makes to you? In your daily life, what does it matter? And ask yourself if you are the kind of person that is comfortable having different standards for people based on immutable characteristics?
It used to be that this country sterilized people with developmental disabilities and refused to allow them to get married. Interracial marriages were criminal. We have taken a long time to evolve as a people and to treat each other with the respect and dignity we so desperately want. Why are we denying ourselves the opportunity to fully realize an equal society?
I was raised in a relatively strict Republican household and, naturally, rebelled a bit. I started out thinking Republicans were the way to go because that's the way we went at home. In fact, I can remember being a precocious 9- or 10-year-old (read: utterly obnoxious) telling our 40-year-old next door neighbor that her vote for Mondale/Ferraro was a wasted vote. No, I was not an Alex P. Keaton in training, I just hadn't really thought things through for myself.
Throughout my life, I was raised to respect and love the environment and taught that serving your community was the highest calling you could have. My parents, particularly my mom, had a great deal of empathy and love for other people and that is something I inherited from them. While we differ on how to get there, we all generally believe that everyone should have health insurance, that education is of primary importance, and that those that need assistance should get it. We hold the same core values, but over time, I realized that I didn't hear those values coming from the Republicans the same way my parents did.
When I was a junior in high school, my dad went to war - for the second time in his life. High school is a tumultuous time for anyone, let alone someone who has just moved across the country to start at a new school, once again as the new kid. And having a loved one in war is horrifying. Granted, the Persian Gulf War wasn't the utter nightmare this one has turned out to be, but it was also not without its casualties, and not without its nights of fear that you might not see your family member again. All of these destabilizing elements caused me to take a good, solid look at what I believed in and how I thought we could get to a better place. It also caused me to question a fairly solid religious faith I had had until then.
Here's where I came out: for me, most organized religion, while having its obvious upsides, is used essentially as crowd control. The people I knew who were allegedly Christian harbored deep-seated hatred and intolerance for those unlike them. The whole reason I liked Christianity was because it was about love. But, everywhere I looked, I only saw love for those most like the group and a few unfortunate souls to do some good deeds for.
When I was a kid, I went to Catholic school for a few years and got a prayer book. In it were the corporal works of mercy (visit the imprisoned, feed the hungry, etc.). These few instructions formed the basis for my life philosophy. Yet, when I looked around at those who professed to also believe in this way of life, I couldn't see the same thing. I saw an emphasis on God hates gay people, killing abortion doctors, or even just the occasional racist comment about Middle Easterners.
Then I heard Bill Clinton start to campaign. Now the man is far from perfect and his sharing of love is probably not the kind I was actually envisioning. But, he talked about helping the homeless and rebuilding Iraq. Hillary talked about health care for all. They talked about protecting the environment and generally creating a nurturing society, or as close to one as we'll ever get.
When I turned 18, I promptly registered to vote and few months later cast my ballot for Clinton. I did the same four years later. And while I think there are a number of dodgy things that went down during that administration, on the whole, I believe our people were more cared for, as were people of other countries. I think during those 8 years, human life was valued just a little bit more than corporations. During that time, America was less hated internationally.
In the seven years since then, we have well-deservedly become the most hated nation in the world, we have dismantled our Constitution, and have given the uber-wealthy and corporations free reign while strangling the low- and middle-income people in this country. Human rights and civil rights are now things of the good ol' days. And the Christianity that demands our attention in the media again is about hate.
I never intended to vote for Obama in the beginning. I intended to vote for Kucinich or, as a more viable candidate, Edwards. These are men who speak to the issues that make my heart beat. They talk about caring for the poor, housing the homeless, re-energizing this economy for everyone, and making sure people have health insurance. Seriously, folks, health insurance! It stuns me that people out there believe it is okay to deny medical coverage to someone because they cannot pay for it. And before you throw any Medicaid rhetoric my way, pay a visit to my neighbor Cat and read the horror stories there. What has happened to her family is nothing short of criminal and sinful and I don't see it getting better if I vote "family values" red. In fact, I see it getting worse.
Anyhow, with my two preferences non-viable and out of the race, I was determined to cast a vote that mattered as much as it could. When I looked at my options, I truly believed Obama would bring about some change. I don't know that he can revolutionize the way we approach things, because looking at the Super Tuesday races last night, I realized this country is more fractured than I originally thought. But, I believe he wants change. I believe Clinton wants the White House. There is a difference. And that difference is the world to me. She wants the post because she wants to be President. I truly believe Obama wants it because he wants to serve the people. Yes, Clinton is smart and savvy; yes, she has some experience. But, I think that what motivates her most is her own ambition.
So, for those who still have a vote to cast. Take it seriously. Really consider your options. And cast the vote that speaks your heart, not your fear or anger or frustration.
I won't dismantle comments, because I still believe in the idea of freedom of speech, for as long as we have it. However, please do not leave some vitriolic diatribe about why I am wrong. You will not persuade me and you will only prove my point.
Earlier I posted an AP article detailing how poor Haitians are being forced to eat mud cookies because the cost of food has gone up due to the increased cost of oil. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry, I neglected to mention anything about you can help. (Thanks, Amy!)
I have been to Haiti twice and solidarity work for the last several years. Due to the political situation there, it is often hard to know which organization is the best able to help at any given time, so I will list a few resources.
To get educated on Haiti and its dire human rights situation, you can visit The Institute for Justice and Democracy in Haiti and The Haiti Action Committee.
You can donate to Zanmi Lasante's child nutrition program. Zanmi Lasante is a program of Partners in Health, founded by Dr. Paul Farmer - a truly amazing man.
You can make a donation to the Vanguard Foundation's Haiti Emergency Relief Fund.
You can advocate for forgiving Haiti's debt (courtesy of Haiti Reborn).
